Never mind the coffee mugs and tea towels, if you really want to celebrate the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton try one of these hotel packages linked to the big day.
Some are genuinely regal in their offering, others somewhat tenuous, but all promise a grand experience and a chance to get swept up in Wills-and-Kate fever.
1. Raunchiest: Shag Like Royalty package
Kensington Park Hotel, San Francisco
When: February 22-May 16
Cost: US$225 and up
What: If you’ve ever dreamed of bedding a royal, or bedding like a royal, the imaginative folks at San Francisco’s Kensington Park Hotel have it sorted.
Their ‘shag like royalty’ hotel package comes with Union Jack condoms, mini bottles of gin ("Brits do love their G&T's," their website proclaims -- even though everyone knows Wills prefers cider), and a dictionary of British slang.
They'll even offer disguises to couples to make a furtive exit after their royal romp.
2. Most irrelevant: Trump Royal Wedding Experience
Trump International Hotel & Tower, New York
When: April 28-29
Cost: Price for two from US$1,075
What: Not only is this offered on the other side of the Atlantic, it’s also got Donald Trump’s name on it.
The “Trump Royal Wedding Experience” includes an overnight stay at the Trump International Hotel and Tower in New York, and breakfast at Jean Georges restaurant at 5 a.m. to watch the wedding live on oversized screens.
Hopefully the guests won’t have to sit through footage of Trump’s own nuptials too.
3. Most indulgent: Pretty Little Princess
Swissôtel The Howard, London
When: March 1-June 1
Cost: £2,904.11 (US$4,800)
What: Join the Swissotel The Howard's Pretty Little Princess package and you run the risk of turning your three-year-old toddler into a spoilt brat for the rest of her life.
The experience, tailored for girls between the ages of three and eight, starts with a flute of non-alcoholic "champagne" upon arrival. Girls are then dressed with in a princess dress with a matching fur cape and a silver tiara, showered with pretty trinkets, then put onto a horse drawn carriage bound for Westminster Abbey, where the real royal wedding will take place.
The package also includes one night’s stay in a room overlooking the River Thames and a themed afternoon tea.
4. Angriest: An-Tea Wedding Package
Metropolitan London
When: April 22–May 8
Cost: £27 (US$45)
What: For those who feel the royal wedding fluff is hard to stomach, The Met Bar at Metropolitan London offers the quaintly rebellious "An-Tea Establishment Afternoon Tea" that includes muffins with placards on it that read "Thanks for the free day off” and quiches “a la Fergie.”
5. Creepiest: A Royal Affair
Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park, London
When: 26 April-1 May
Cost: £11,300 (US$18,680)
What: Is this too close for comfort? Mandarin Oriental’s £11k package includes a dinner that will take place at the home of a member of a royal family at their private London townhouse, as well as lunch at Althorp, the ancestral home of Princess Diana.
The package also includes a tour of Chartwell, Sir Winston Churchill's family home in Kent, with a greeting by a Churchill family member.
On April 29, guests get to view the royal wedding procession on the terrace of 12 Carlton House in Westminster.
Earl Spencer has been accused of ‘exploiting his royal connections’ by opening up his family estate for the package.
6. Most profligate: Azure Suite and Sapphire Package
The Mayfair Hotel, London
When: April 28 and May 1
Cost: £207,500 (US$343,000)
What: At £207,500 for three nights, you'd need a pretty regal bank balance to take up The Mayfair hotel's "Azure Suite and Sapphire" package. But for that price, guests will receive an 18-carat sapphire ring designed by Jooal Fine Jewellery to replicate the soon-to-be princess’s engagement ring.
They also get to stay at the Mayfair Hotel’s Azure suite over the royal wedding weekend, which is equipped with a private elevator, a remote controlled fireplace, and furniture by Fendi.
7. Most long-winded: Royal Month
The Fairmont Empress, Victoria
When: April 1-May 1
Cost: CA$20-150 (US$21-157)
What: So excited are the Canadians about the royal wedding that The Fairmont Empress at Victoria, British Columbia even declared April their “Royal Month.”
On April 29, the hotel will broadcast the wedding live on flat-screen TVs in their lobby and lounges over breakfast buffet served from 3-11 a.m. From noon-3 p.m. the hotel will host a dog show and a picnic afternoon tea on their front lawn.
From April 29-May 1 the hotel will serve a "royal dinner" with chinaware used by Queen Elizabeth II on her previous visits to the hotel.
8. Most high-brow: Royal Opulence
Hotel Hyatt Regency London
When: 28 April-2 May
Cost: £30,000 (US$49,590)
What: For those who take an academic interest in the royal couple, Hyatt Regency London offers a chance to attend an informal talk with royal biographer Robert Jobson, and join tours of London's historical palaces guided by the David Thompson, chair of the Guild of Registered Tourist Guides.
On the day of the wedding, the hotel will offer a chauffeur-driven limo for guests to chase after the royal procession. At night, guests will receive complimentary tickets to Rimsky-Korsakov’s Russian masterpiece, “The Tsar’s Bride” at the Royal Opera House.
Guests also get to stay in the hotel's 1,829 square feet Royal Suite for five days.
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